Fat Guy in a Little Gi "Of Losses and Lessons"

Of losses and lessons

“What the hell happened…?”

I asked myself repeatedly after I just lost my last match. Up 6-2 I was dominating my opponent, when I got swept, mounted, and Ezekiel choked in less than 3 seconds. Back to back losses on a day where everyone in our camp, from our school and others, thought I was going to be amazing. I had lost 50lbs and 11% body fat and my cardio was insane. Technically sound and able to hit sweeps on command. Everything said I was going to be on the podium; except my two opponents.

First guy, Army Combatives dude, with very little technique; however he was in peak shape and at 6’9” 270lbs, a force to be reckoned with. I failed an Uchi Mata attempt and he landed in half guard top. There we stayed until 20 seconds left when he was able to pass to side. I had attempted to maneuver for sweeping position, but he just pinned me. My brain left me, I didn't fight for underhooks and instead chose to work collar holds and keep lockdown. I lost that match because I wasn't focused.

Second guy, one stripe blue belt from a smaller gym. He had gotten severely dominated his first match and ended up tapping to a short choke as he was belly down. I knew I was more technical, and when we locked up in Randori, I knew I was stronger. I Tried an ankle reap which caused him to attempt an ankle pick and a switch to a single. My sprawl was good and I was able to dig an underhook. He let go of my leg and forced his way to standing, then I hit the most beautiful Uchi Mata that I have ever hit (not saying much really). I crashed on top and attempted to establish side; he was able to get his guard back quickly, but not before my points were on the board. Then I froze. Again my brain left me. I looked like a first day white belt trying to break his guard, not using any of the technique I have. Luckily I remembered to posture, but even that was lacking. He sat up for a hip-bump sweep and I fought it, only to have him arm drag and attempt to take my back. My back defense is impeccable for my level and I was able to easily reverse, but I reversed right into a sweep. As my back hit the mat I pushed his hips and attempted to get to my side, but his hand was already in his sleeve and around my head. 2 seconds, and I tapped. I looked at the monitor, and there I was; up 6-2 and had just been submitted.

Dejected I stood up from the mats, bowed, shook hands, and left the competition area. My coach stood in disbelief, as did all of my camp who were watching.

“Next time, you’ll do it next time.”

“That guy was lucky.”

“You just had an off day.”

Phrases that held little consoling for the anger and disappointment that was within. Another failure in the sport I dedicate my life to. In the locker room, as I stripped off my gi jacket, I looked into the mirror. Tears welled up, and I became disgusted with myself.

“I’m done with this.”

As I said the words, a thought entered my mind.

Go ahead and give up, you just aren’t good enough for this.

I wish I could say I didn’t listen to those words, but I did. The next few weeks, I attended class, but I wasn’t there. The motions were done, the knowledge shared, but nothing really stuck. My coach and I had a long talk, but it did little except make me promise that I was going to keep showing up to class. I hated grappling, and I took out my frustrations on some of the junior students. Not ‘hurting them’ mind you, but no longer being docile, no longer working on positions. Every roll, I was testing their wills and resolves. Until about three weeks after the tournament.

To understand this next part you have to know something about our gym. It’s a striking school with a developing ground program. We have our section of mat that we can use, and the rest is for those who wish to hone their hands and feet. Further, most of our grapplers are no-gi people and those that do train gi tend to be in sporadically. (Haha at Ken referring to “no-gi people” –hey I’m a no-gi person! Editor)

One day, like every other day, I expected 20 or so strikers and about 8 grapplers. To my surprise however, there were 3 strikers, and almost 20 grapplers. A couple wrestlers from high school who wanted to learn how to tap people out, a few guys who needed to work their ground for MMA, but most surprisingly; a few no-gi grapplers had went out and bought a gi themselves. I was slightly taken aback. Further still, our coach was running late, and being the senior student at the gym I had to run class until he showed up. Reluctantly I began class with a movement drill.

I paired people up by skill, showing the class how to do the drill and working with the new students to explain the why and reason of certain motions, and explaining why moving certain ways gets you in trouble. As each pairing ran through their paces, I was interrupted numerous times and asked questions; even by those who I trained with every week. It was weird, while I often had taught or assisted in classwork prior, this day was different. I had real, applicable knowledge that I could share with fellow grapplers. True, technical knowhow escaped my lips as I coaxed the class into understanding.

After warm up, stretching, and teaching a technique, our coach showed up and took over class. His day job had kept him and he was sorry he was late. However, I will forever be grateful he was late that day. It reignited something in me, the love of the sport.

We all have our mountains to climb, we all have our failures and lessons to be learned: but if we continue on, even if we don’t really want to, we will emerge somewhere far greater than we have ever known. I realized my mistakes at that tournament, and I am ready for training camp for the next one. Not just ready for the next one, excited for the next one. Excited to test my skills and style against the others in the region. Pumped up to see if I have added anything else into my bag of tricks that can help me in my division.  I am excited to bring the wisdom back to our home mats, to teach my mat rat family what I have experienced and learned.

Stay the course my friends, even if you can’t see anything but the waves and the rain.

Ken-